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Na-na-na

We like vindaloo. (I dare you to watch some of those videos. I couldn't watch any of them all the way through. All those pasty white drunken bodies, ugh!) (But we do like vindaloo.)

That's what was for dinner today. Lazy potato vindaloo with sauce from a tub, and a dollop of yogurt that was basically butterfat. Oz found the yogurt at the natural foods store, so it had to be healthy, except it was yogurt made from cream. The nutrition facts section, in very small print, was scary: "Serving size: 2 tablespoons, calories per serving: 60, calories from fat: 50." It was really good.

It was filling, anyway, and didn't leave me any room for pumpkin pie. Yes, I made a pumpkin pie a few days ago. Canned pumpkin, recipe off the label, which makes the best pie and avoids the whole slimy guts problem. This one came out extra tasty, I don't know why. I did add a dash of nutmeg and 1/8 teaspoon of cardamom to the spices, but I didn't make any other changes. My cardamom is old and forlorn too. I only used it because it looked so lonely there in the spice cupboard. I'd be surprised if it was capable of having any appreciable effect on the pie.

Food and quarterly tax forms, that's about it. I talked to my accountant today and he's still asking, all incredulous, "But— You're still translating? What about engineering? They'd pay you like a half million dollars." Uh, yes. I don't know. I don't think so.

Dilemma (tho' not by definition)

I have a $200 ethical problem. I will probably end up Doing the Right Thing, but until I do, I have this ethical problem.

Once upon a time, in October 2005, I did a small translation job for a client with whom I have worked on rare occasions over the past 15 years. I invoiced the job (it was a little over $200) and then … nothing. Recalling that these folks tend to pay slowly but eventually, I didn't worry about it.

Time passed. I emailed the project manager a few times and … nothing. I eventually started calling and getting the "no record of that job, resubmit the invoice" runaround. By April 2006, I was annoyed and made more phone calls and eventually got through to the owner of the company. By accident, I expect. She apologized and cut me a check that day.

So, I received the payment nearly seven months after delivery. I haven't heard from them since, which is fine by me. I'm not inclined to accept work from them and they never were a significant source of my income.

Fast forward to today, when I received another check from that same company for that October 2005 job.

Yes, they are that disorganized. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I have this check, for a job I've already been paid for (really, really, really late, and they didn't pay a late fee or anything), from a company who apparently has no record of having paid me the first time.

The right thing to do is to void the check and send it back with a note explaining that they already paid me (really, really, really late) last April.

The wrong thing to do is to deposit the check.

There is no sliding scale of right to wrong here, but consider the nature of $200. It's not a lot of money, but it's not a little either. If it were $50, it would be easy to do the right thing. If it were $1000, it would feel like stealing if I kept it.

But $200 is enough to want to keep. And they obviously don't miss it. $200 plus a bit will pay my monthly health insurance premium. $200 will pay a winter gas bill. $200 I could put towards my new roof.

I'm so tempted to keep it.

Quiz, Japanese style

On a stupid Japanese quiz show (Quiz Monster, I think), the question was "What US President has the name of some meat?"

Multiple choice: beef, pork, chicken, or ram.

Never mind that "ram" is not a meat. Rams are made of mutton. [ETA: Maybe they meant "lamb", which has the same Japanese transliteration as "ram" (r's and l's again). Except they showed a picture of a ram, with the horns and everything. Not remotely lamb-like.]

Do you know the answer? Rack your brains. Maybe there was a President Chicken. That is to say, a president whose name was "Chicken." The guy would have been pretty much unelectable no matter at what stage in US history he ran for office.

Still wondering?

The answer is "Pork."

For a second, I thought the quiz show was being clever about one of the hallmarks of the American political system, but no.

They meant "Polk."

Because "pork" and "Polk" have the same Japanese transliteration and they don't distinguish between r's and l's.

Hah. Hah. I guess you had to be there. And bilingual.

I am full of beer and sushi

The place we go has a special Christmas roll, still on the menu. It's amazing what the chef can do with bright red caviar and nori flakes.

For your mindless entertainment, try this. OMG! [via, I think]

This week I've been working on a patent relating to photography-related chemicals. It seems so obsolete (not really, I know, so film geeks can just back off). I take breaks from the exciting world of patent translation to work on post-processing wedding snapshots. They are noisy and blurry because I'm reluctant to flash people. In every way. I will have to be more willing to annoy people if I want to get good pictures of them.

The pictures aren't bad for what they are. When you're participating in an event, it's basically impossible to focus on photography as art, so snaps it is. And the soft focus look is okay, except that I know how sharp my lenses really are. Who will see these anyway? I mean, really look at them?

Besides me.

What else?

I'm sleeping quite well since the wedding. Am I feeling better in general? Or was much of that sleep disruption really wedding stress? For a wedding where I'm not even getting married. Ridiculous! Another sign that I worry too much. I have nothing to worry about at the moment though, and I'm enjoying it. Maybe I'll start cracking on those not-quite-resolutions.

Post Processing

The princess is wed! She was gorgeous, the wedding went perfectly. It was uncanny. She even had a good time.

I had a good time too. My dress stayed up and everything.

Right now I'm sorting through pictures and posting them up (private, sorry). I have a surprising number of good shots. The camera loves the princess. Most of the pictures are pure mom-fodder. I have to get contact information for her mother and send her the adorable pictures of the princess in her pajamas on the morning of her wedding day. The princess is not a morning person, but she was just luminous.

For your entirely non-bridal amusement, enjoy the gummi bear rug (via). I'm not particularly fond of gummi bears, so I think this is an ideal use for them.

I should write

a blog entry.

But I spent the day in Bridesmaid Dress Hell. The best I can do is an incoherent list of reasons why bridesmaid's dresses suck even when you have what should be a good dress.

Reason 1: The evil, exploitative wedding industry won't let you shop. The way this works, you go to a bridal shop and try on samples of the dresses. They only have size 12 samples of a small fraction of the dresses in the collection. The samples are in random colors, so you have to imagine what the dress might look on you, if it were your size, and if it were the color that the bride has selected. The dress you end up with doesn't even exist until you order it. All sales final, 12 weeks to delivery.

Reason 2: If you're not a size 12, you have no way to determine what size you actually are. You measure yourself and go by the size chart provided by the manufacturer. The size chart lies. The dresses are bigger than the chart lets on, but you have no way of knowing that, because you don't have enough data to work with. Then, after you make a stab at picking your size and depending on how your measurements match up with the size chart, the bride may go ahead and further upsize your dress to be absolutely certain that it will be big enough. The theory is, a dress can be taken in, but it can't be let out. This theory is actually wrong in the case of these dresses: See Reason 3.

Reason 3: The material fucking stretches. The dress lets its own damn self out an inch or more in every direction.

Here's the blog entry part:

My tale of woe

When my upsized dress arrived back in December, I took it to a seamstress to get taken in. She could only take in the bodice because the structure of the dress around the hips was too complicated to screw with. Okay, so baggy butt, but with the fitted bodice, the strapless dress should at least stay up and sort of fit. It's the fit at the waist that actually holds the dress up.

Over the several weeks that she had the dress, we had Christmas and New Year's. Also, my therapist assigned me some new exercises which help my bad hip and also happen to provide excellent upper body toning. I tried to stay the same size by not indulging in too much pie over the holidays and making sure to do all my exercises. As a result, actual laws of nature have been broken. Despite the holidays and attendant treats, I became trimmer through the waist and larger through the bust, probably from building up muscle around my ribcage.

Go, me! I will look slightly more hot!

Except that when I picked up the dress, it was loose in the waist and really tight around the top, giving me the attractive flabby bulge/falling down dress combo. The dress came with a little optional security strap upon which must now hold up the dress.

But remember, the fabric stretches. Since I've had the dress, I've put it on several times to check the fit and work on creating a bustle for the train. (Another wild Dress Hell adventure, which was amazingly resolved with Scotch. Note to self: Scotch is key. Glenfiddich.) The top has loosened up, so the flabby bulge problem is resolved. Yay.

However, the strap is stretching out. I've already shortened it once. I'm going to have to shorten it another two inches. And, while I'm glad to be spared the flabby bulge, the top of the dress has loosened up enough that the dress slides down pretty far, pulling my strapless bra down in front and revealing the bra band in back.

That problem also has a solution. We made another trip to the fabric store where I picked up some bra cups to sew into the dress. (I should have done that to begin with. The bra cups were $5, the very nice strapless bra was $50.) Today I sewed a hook and eye on the back for the train bustle, during which process the decorative brooch on the back came off (great workmanship!) and had to be sewn back on. Crooked. Damn. Then I sewed in the bra cups. Not crooked, oddly enough. Since I rarely sew, this all took a very long time and required multiple dress try-ons and boob checks. To my credit, I did not spill coffee on the dress, tear the dress, throw the dress on the floor and stamp on it, or call up the bride to vent.

What do I have to show for it?

Assuming the little strap holds, the dress will stay in position and look somewhat lumpy and ill fitting. It will also be too long, because the fabric in the skirt is stretching. Thanks, gravity.

I still have to shorten the strap. I should probably sew the strap into the dress rather than relying on the hook/loop and snap combination that holds it in place. I may have another go at straightening the decorative brooch.

This dress has it in for me.

I'm taking my sewing kit to the wedding.

Nothing's different

Something not related to cats:

I received my Expocap today. This nifty gizmo will let me set white balance when the light is just too confusing for my camera. I had been using a kind of ghetto solution (a Slim Jim cap) or just correcting the color with software. The software solution is pretty good, the Slim Jim cap isn't bad, but blues things up a little too much. Thus far the Expocap seems to be spot on. Once I figure out how to make a mosaic of the different shots with different white balance settings, I can post my tests for your enjoyment.

I get my bridesmaid's dress back from the seamstress tomorrow. I hope I'm still the same size as when I took the dress in last month.

For local readers: I hope that some other people start eating at Mama's Kitchen, the Korean restaurant on Grace Street near VCU. We can't possibly keep them in business all by ourselves.

Now, about the cats:

Monte Alban near about gave me a black eye last night. I was lying on the futon in the sitting room with Monte curled up by my feet. Oz walked in, surprising Monte, who is continually offended by Oz's very existence. In his mad escape from the room, Monte leaped lengthwise across my body, nearly landing on my face, but twisting in midair and shoulder-checking my eyeball instead. I put a cold pack on my eye and the swelling has subsided. I seem to have escaped any bruising. Thank goodness! I'd have to explain it and no one would believe me.

And, if it isn't one thing, it's another. Or, rather, if it isn't Number One, it's Number Two. The toilet issues of my cats are not interesting to me either, but they seem to be taking over my life.

Amazing! We didn't have a cat pee event today (or yesterday). We did have a Dingleberry Adventure.

Dingleberry Adventures have the advantage of being easier to clean up after. Also, there is more drama. I get to chase the cat with the stinky passenger. Often the other cat gets involved, either kibitzing from the sidelines or getting involved in the chase. After the dingleberry is disposed of and the cat tidied up, the cat goes and kicks the other cat's ass for a while.

More all-around excitement than you could get from any puddle.

Today's DA had an added twist thanks to the small litter pan I put in one of the bathrooms near where many of the cat pee events (CPEs) were occurring. I didn't have a proper litter box, so I used a disposable roasting pan left over from Thanksgiving.

It's quite a small pan. Sparky is quite a big fat cat. Today, after the impressive dingleberry was removed, he still had a squatty, disturbed look. Shortly thereafter, I heard scratching sounds from upstairs. I went to check that only scratch-appropriate material was getting scratched and found Sparky trying to squat in the little pan. "Yo, some privacy here?"

I checked later to see whether everything had gone smoothly and found three poops on the floor behind the pan. He had at least kicked some litter over them. He must have stood in the pan and pooped over the side.

This only confirms our certainty that it was Monte Alban who peed in Oz's slipper. Sparky obviously doesn't have the aim.

O-mamori

Enmusubi o-mamori from Myoryuji (the Ninja Temple) in Kanazawa, Japan.

O-mamori are lucky charms sold at shrines and temples. The enmusubi charms are specifically for catching a husband and they often come as a set of two charms.

I got these because I wondered what kind of husband a Ninja Temple charm might bring me. A ninja? A comic book superhero? So far, that hasn't exactly happened. But, as they insist during the Ninja Temple tour, the Ninja Temple "has nothing to do with Ninjas!" So maybe a ninja is too much to expect.

All things even remotely related to weddings just spring to mind nowadays. All the bridesmaid chat impelled me to pull these charms out and play with my camera. I thought I had a bunch of enmusubi charms, but I could only find one other. Really, with all the o-mamori I've got, I should have a bunch of husbands, wild business success, academic success (I did get that), travel safety (not so much, though maybe the travel safety charms gave their little all keeping me alive in the accident), no headaches, lots of money, and a Big Wish granted.

A few non-bridal things happened today. I got some work done. The cats peed on something that was machine washable and placed on a plastic-sealed floor. Now that the weather turned cold and dry, this pretty much blows my humidity theory and I have to conclude that they're just lazy little schmucks. And speaking of schmucks, when I went swimming at the YMCA, this jerk took my towel! At least it was one of the scruffy Y towels and not my personal nice towel with the ponies on it, which was safely back in my locker. When I finished my laps and went over to the bench where my flip-flops were and where my towel used to be, I saw another towel on the nearby windowsill, kind of wadded up and probably damp with essence of towel-stealing jerk. I guess he mistook my neatly folded, dry towel for his.

I bet they don't have a towel-retention o-mamori. I obviously don't have one.

The red and the pink

I talked to the Princess today for a couple hours, over the course of which I discovered the time of the rehearsal, general plans for the days before the wedding, favorite colors and flowers, and more! Lots more. For example: "Well, if you want to save money, you can start by NOT getting a male stripper. Because … gross."

The information has been distributed to all the bridesmaids. Now that we know what's going on, to about the same extent that the bride does anyway, we can coordinate. Thus far we've been doing okay via email, but seeing as how we mostly don't even live in the same time zone, the potential for confusion is quite high. As it was, we were planning redundant teas! We were thinking about surprising the Princess with a fancy tea on Thursday, while she was planning all along to have the exact same fancy tea the very next day (which she hadn't mentioned yet).

The bridesmaid adventure continues.

Of more local interest: Bottoms Up Pizza has been knocking exactly two inches off the diameters of pizza ordered for delivery (the last two times we've ordered, so that's three pizzas, each too small by the exact same amount). For shame! That's about 30% less pizza. And it's really obvious too, because they're using the same size boxes. The first time it happened, Oz complained to the manager, who said, "Well, you know they're all handmade." Yeah, and if they were inconsistently wrong-sized, we might buy that.

Another balmy day

… Another cat pee event. This time they hit something we were going to throw away. Go, them!

It was pleasant enough to have the windows and the back door open almost all day, so at least the place is aired out.

I have a migraine with bonus nausea. My usual treatment is Tylenol, coffee, and donuts. Alas, the good donut place is closed for vacation till 9 January. Oz kindly ran over to another place to get some stopgap donuts, but they're just not as tasty. The worst of it should be over tomorrow.

Today we went to a fabric store and I picked up a spool of pink ribbon to use in creating a French bustle for my bridesmaid's dress. I did not need to buy thread! I found a perfect match for the dress in my old collection of embroidery floss. (I used to do counted thread cross stitch when I was a kid, then later in my early twenties. I have a UFO (unfinished object) in the form of a half-embroidered Christmas stocking.) Now all I need is for the seamstress to finish up the alterations. Once I get the dress back, I can obsess over it much more productively.

Two more weeks until this wedding.

I'm calling the Princess tomorrow to see how she's holding up.

Cats behaving badly

I really didn't want this to turn into a cat pee blog. I even stopped writing for a while because, except for the cats being naughty pissers, not much else was going on.

I mean, it was bad. I even used the web cam to surveille the spot on the carpet they were wetting. I wondered, which one is doing it? Hah! They both were. So the rug went to the cleaners and various attempts were made to optimize the litter box.

I think it might be related to the weather. It seems that they don't want to go in their box once the humidity reaches a certain level, regardless of the freshness of the box. The bad behavior stopped once the weather turned cold and dry, but damn if we aren't having another warm, humid spell. Thank you, Global Warming!

[News flash from Japan: The inventor of instant ramen just passed away at the age of 96.]

Anyway, when I stepped onto the upstairs landing this morning, I smelled something whiffy and thought, "Oh no." Down in my office I found a puddle on an old TV Japan schedule that I'd left on a corner of a small wool (note: not machine-washable) rug just for that purpose, actually. The rug went out on the deck so it could do its stinking outside and also for a vague attempt at cleaning. The TV schedule went in the trash (in the bottom of the supercan, the residue of the Guinness-chocolate pie is turning blue). All was well for a while. Then I went for a walk and when I came back, I found a puddle on the floor near a wardrobe.

Way to go, kitties! You finally hit something I could clean.

Then the mail came, bringing with it a gift from my brother in Tokyo. He sent me the two volumes of "Today's Nekomura-san," a comic about a helpful kitty. Nekomura-san (literally, "Cat Town", but it's really a play on Japanese names) cleans, cooks, and does dishes! I want Nekomura-san to come live in my house. Maybe Nekomura-san could make my cats shape up.

More food

On Christmas Eve we made our Kentucky Bourbon Fruitcake, Hyper-Mini-Loaf version. On New Year's Eve, we cracked open the aluminum foil, undid the cheesecloth, and Yum! The mini-loaf variation worked quite well. I've updated the recipe entry to include notes on how to do mini-loaves. The main advantage of mini-loaves is that they are easier to inflict on— that is to say, share with others. I shipped a couple more off on Wednesday. When the postal clerk asked me if my packages included anything "perishable or otherwise hazardous", I brightly said "Fruitcake!" and everyone in line behind me giggled.

Tonight I made a French potato-cheese-herb-onion tart, except that, being lazy, I put it in a pie crust instead of a tart crust. Also, it was not quite pretty enough to count as being tarted up. But, ooh-la-la, very tasty. This was from one of the new cookbooks acquired to bolster my resolution to cook more. Oz, who had not been terribly enthused about the cookbooks, was very enthused about the pie. He said, "The herbs make it taste like meat!" I'll definitely be making that one again, though maybe in a scalloped potato style. I can see I'll have to make it larger if I want to have any leftovers.

Fun with live broadcasting

I may not have digital video recording capability, but a lot of other people do.

As I wrote on New Year's Eve, we watched the Kohaku, NHK's annual New Year's Eve program: a live broadcast of the year's popular songs. The DJ Ozma production number was way over the top for NHK's staid programming, especially where the stated theme is Family and Home. From us it wrung cries of "Oh! My! God! Are they naked? No … But— No. What's with the silver lamé lederhosen? Hah! He's flying! Can't they point him so he's facing the audience? Oh! Ack! Euw! Fake flower penises!"

That provides a tidy précis of the salient points, but you can watch it if you want. Lots of people put it up on YouTube. I picked this version because at the end it includes the reactions of the Red Team Mediator (Nakama Yukie, who played Gangster Sensei) and some of the celebrity guest judges. Nakama-san says, "Uh. Oh my. Well. What do you think about that?" The girl guest judge says, "Oh. Well. It was … interesting." The guy behind her says, "That was the best Kohaku ever."

Someone also posted the NHK apology they slipped into the broadcast a short while later. He says, "We've had some calls. People are concerned that maybe the backup dancers were naked. But they weren't. They wore body suits. We're sorry to have disturbed you."

On New Year's Day I checked the Kohaku site and found a more extensive apology (it's gone now) at the top of the page. Basically, they said, "They weren't really naked! We totally didn't know they were going to do that! They wore bikinis during the dress rehearsal! We're sorry sorry sorry!"

The incident even made the gossip column in yesterday's Washington Post. Also, an Arts column in the New York Times.

The people of Japan may be miffed, but, hey, this is why I watch the Kohaku. Oz watched it because I did. He says I now owe him several vampire and/or zombie movies.

[A food show just started on TV Japan. They're celebrating Year of the Pig by eating some.]

Holiday hindsight

The Enchanted Reindeer Forest at the James Center, South 10th and East Cary Streets, for a last bit of holiday brightness as we enter the long, dark season.

Also, here are a couple pictures of my neighbor's yard art, which I mentioned before.

This is an (almost) overall view, through the fisheye. You can see down into her very long side yard, where she has the Christmas figures and lights and garlands integrated into her flower beds.

This is a detail of the porch, with Country Western singing deer head, Santa head, penguin, flowers, garlands, lights, and more! She told me that she got the deer last year, thinking it sang Christmas carols, and was kind of surprised to find him singing "Rawhide" and what all. She caught me photographing her yard. I told her I'd give her prints of the pictures came out. I think these are all right, but I think you have to see it in person to get the full effect.

Soon the holiday lights in the financial district will be shut off, and my neighbor will begin the next variation on her yard art.

Good-bye, holidays!

New Year's Day

I don't generally wait for New Year's to make resolutions. At any given time of year, I'll decide I'm going to do something and then do it. Lately, however, I've been feeling like I've got too many things that need to be done, but instead of doing them, I procrastinate and whatever it is I'm not doing just gets more in need of being done. It's time to make a list.

First Item: I need to get a new roof. This involves finding a few reputable contractors, getting estimates, and then getting the roof. Also, this involves a lot of money, because I'd like to get a metal roof if it's at all within my financial reach. I would like to get the new roof this spring.

Second Item: In view of the First Item, I need to reestablish my good financial habits. While I'm not spending money that I don't have, I am like a cricket spending a lot of the money that I do have instead of saving it like a good little ant. (I hate ants.) I've developed a full blown case of Nikon Acquisition Syndrome, which will be kept at bay with all the goodies I got over Christmas. I have a demanding automobile, which is getting ready to demand a new radiator, but which won't be kept at bay much longer. Anyway, I need to be a good little ant again.

Third Item: I would like to start cooking more. We eat out too much and I've had the same small selection of recipes in rotation for too long. To that end, we got a couple new cookbooks today! I'm going to try new things and expand my repertoire of standards. Maybe I will even learn to make omelettes properly, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Fourth Item: I will look for an engineering job. I will get my resume in order (again), submit it here and there (again), and finally start going to the local IEEE meetings and network (something I've been meaning to do for the last, oh, two years).

Fifth Item: Clutter! Argh, the clutter! It's taking over! I got started on this item today. I cleared off the stuff that's piled up on the little sofa in my office. I found some of the Christmas cards I received last year. Tomorrow I will clear off my desk.

So, Happy New Year! Akemashite omedetou! May your resolutions be easily achieved and may the Year of the Pig be good to you.